Things you need to listen to, to understand race, white privilege, Ferguson, and the Gospel

I am not going way into the specific issues of the death of Michael Brown, but rather the cultural problems in this country that make it difficult for us to speak the same language on the same terms.
Ferguson seems a long way away from San Jose, CA... but then again it is very close to home and the privilege that comes with living in Silicon Valley.

I will give you one example. Nearly every tech company in Silicon Valley has finally had to own up to the fact that they are run and filled by mostly White and Asian men. I don't think it is conscious or intentional racism but a subconscious lack of awareness to the privileges afforded these groups in this valley. This illustrates the key disconnect for many Whites on the issue of racism and racial injustice in this country. The problem is not primarily "bad life choices" and a "ghetto culture" but blindness to privilege and opportunities available to Whites and many Asians. This is stuff that no app will fix. Its insane to me that many think these issues can be addressed with better hiring policies or that some even entertain the fact software and education will resolve it. Its chiefly a spiritual problem of pride, arrogance, and blindness to cultural privilege. The appropriate fruit of the gospel is humility regarding your advantages and embracing others different from you in Christ, not self-righteous pride in that you worked harder, made better choices, or are more talented.

For me personally, I woke up to these realities slowly but one story from a prominent ministry leader in inner-city Denver, Jeff Johnson, crystallized it for me. He recounted working with some African-American teenage boys through his ministry. These were good Christians doing good work in inner-city Denver. They were meeting at Starbucks when out of nowhere a couple of police cars pulled up, grabbed one of the kids he was working with, and aggressively arrested him. Jeff pleaded with the cops saying, "He is a good kid. You got the wrong one." This kid was calm throughout and essentially said, "This is our life." That is when Jeff realized, when the cops show up white people are relieved, but African Americans are often scared something bad is about to happen. I was never scared when the cops came to bust us while I was partying in college. My response was more of a "Dang, we got busted," and frequently felt free to joke with the cops about it in the moment! I had no fear someone was going to jail, be beaten, or get shot. (Here is a great vid basically showing the same thing: http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/how-should-you-respond-to-ferguson)

For me, the most beautiful experiences in church is when I have experienced unity in Christ with diversity - culturally, racially, and economically. But these are experiences have been sadly rare, for unity in diversity is intrinsic to the gospel and it is my conviction this is our only hope.

Ephesians 2:13-16
¹³ But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. ¹⁴ For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility ¹⁵ by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, ¹⁶ and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. 

A sermon you should listen to:
Matt Chandler is a pastor in Dallas, TX and head of the Acts 29 network and I am super encouraged by the direction he is taking the previously way too "hipster white guy" Acts 29 church planting network. LISTEN to this sermon.
http://www.vergenetwork.org/2014/11/24/lets-talk-bluntly-about-race-matt-chandler/?mc_cid=ab224dee3f&mc_eid=5b33394c6f

A brief word calling us to brotherly love in the church by Russell Moore, head of the Southern Baptist Ethics Commission:
http://www.russellmoore.com/2014/11/24/ferguson-and-the-path-to-peace?utm_content=bufferaaa73&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

An article showing the social divide that makes us blind to the issues, look at the charts if nothing else:
http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/08/self-segregation-why-its-hard-for-whites-to-understand-ferguson/378928/

Also, a bunch here by Leonce Crump (a black A29 guy) and others:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2014/august/its-time-to-listen-saved-and-silent-will-white-evangelicals.html?paging=off

Online dating preferences:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/facebook-data-reveals-how-weirdly-racist-we-are-when-it-come

Join me in weeping over our sins and the tragedy in Ferguson, and longing for the kingdom where all are one in Christ on earth as they are in heaven.

Lonely in Silicon Valley: Proverbs 5 and Relationships

I have always found relationship advice very frustrating. Mostly because of people speaking in really vague terms that mean nothing, like "You know when you know." Or they treat it like a formula that if you do x, y, and z you find someone or your marriage will be automatically better. The real problem is not that there is nothing good about people's advice, the problem is that our own hearts hear what we want to hear. We want a quick fix. We want someone to give us the secret the unlocks the mystery of the opposite sex. But it just doesn't work that way.

I distinctly remember hearing a Pastor of mine once giving a message about not worrying. One of his application points was for singles to not worry too much about finding someone but to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness." I spent years thinking about what he meant by that. It doesn't sound much different than advice like "You know when you know," or the proverbial "at some point it just clicks and you find someone." What my Pastor was alluding to is that point when you are no longer trying too hard and believing that being with someone will finally fill that gaping hole in your life. It is when you finally surrender and realize the perfect person doesn't exist and your expectations are way too high. That is the moment you begin to live by faith and realize finding someone is an act of God's grace. It is the moment you are free to live and enjoy the journey for what it is - when you are content if you are single or married.

However, that only covers idols we have concerning relationships. The biggest frustration I hear is that in a city where everyone works a ton and community is sparse - how in the world will you ever meet someone? There are also cultural idols in the modern world that make finding someone extremely difficult. Our society is very individualistic and people don't value community. They find meaning in their work and delay looking for someone. They overvalue their own opinions and do not associate with people of different values. So they find it difficult to be in community with people different from themselves who have different views. *News flash*, I don't care who you end up with, they will be different from you. If you cannot learn to get along with people different from you in casual friendships and acquaintances you will have an extremely difficult time managing an actual relationship no matter how similar you are. All that to say what do you do if your "social network" (including church) has slim pickings?

1) Understand that singleness is a gift - 1 Corinthians 7:7

I know you want practical advice. Sorry, you have to deal with the spiritual as well or you are missing the whole point. Get it in your head that the love of Christ is more important and single people have a huge amount of flexibility to invest in the church and in their faith.

2) There are seasons to not seek marriage. If you need to be with someone, you probably have an relationship idol. Times when you have a new job, death in the family, grad school, are really difficult, time consuming and emotionally charged times. Your head isn't in the game.

3) Get serious about finding someone as you get older. You can date for fun in high school. Maybe even college. Get real after that. If they are not looking for a serious relationship. Move on!

4) Be attracted to the whole person, not just looks - but heart and character.

5) Don't get too emotionally involved with a non-believer. Getting married requires your deepest desires and passions to be shared. If you love Jesus, you are not able to share your whole self.

6) Expand your community - get a hobby, sign up for eHarmony. If a hobby, do it for fun and to make new friends, not because you are desperate. Don't get all self-righteous about using dating websites. I know lots of career people who they have worked really well for. Would it be great, even better to meet someone without them? Yes, but remember #3.

7) Recognize you need to learn from people in good relationships. Find Godly examples and just be around them. If you are going to be able to "know when you know," you need to see good examples. Get involved in a church small group. It might actually be best for you if it's not a "singles group." The church is a family and family has brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews. Too often people look around and think no single people are there, but a lot of people meet through mutual friends. Don't give up on a community just because you don't see anyone at first glance.

Hope that helps and I hope and pray our church is able to truly be a loving family - for singles, families, and married people investing in each other.